Trump & The “Cure Worse Than The Problem” Debate | The Daily Social Distancing Show

Trump & The “Cure Worse Than The Problem” Debate | The Daily Social Distancing Show


Hey, everybody. Trevor Noah
here. Back with another episode of The Daily
Social Distancing Show. Now, before we
get into the show, uh, I’ve been getting a
lot of questions from you online asking about things behind me.
They’re… People asked me why the plant
was dying, so I replaced it. And, uh, now I’ve noticed
a lot of people asking what the round things
are behind me. And, first of all:
no, it’s not a sex thing, so stop saying that, okay?
These are actually African heritage domes, which
a mother hands down to her son to remind him of the bond
they’ll always share. We call them impundu zakho.
That’s what it is. Anyway, we’re on day 12
of staying at home to try and stop the coronavirus
and destroy my social life. And here’s your tip of the day:
if you’re baking cupcakes and you run out of icing,
you can just use toothpaste. Yeah.
It looks exactly the same and now your cupcakes
are healthy. Anyway, tonight we’re gonna
catch up on the latest news, like businesses booming
from coronavirus, the trials of Dr. Fauci and President Trump itching
to leave the house again. So let’s get into it. Welcome to The Daily
Social Distancing Show. -♪ ♪ -ANNOUNCER: From
Trevor’s couch in New York City to your couch
somewhere in the world, this is The Daily Social Distancing Show
with Trevor Noah. Okay, let’s kick it off
with some good news first. As you know,
hospitals are running short on essential equipment to treat
people with coronavirus– and that includes ventilators–
to help people breathe, because, remember,
it’s a respiratory illness. But now– this is great news–
major car manufacturers like Ford and General Motors
have announced that they’ll be retooling their factories so they can make ventilators
to help out. It’ll take a few months to get
them up and running, but, still, I mean, this is great that the
car companies are stepping up to help with
the ventilator shortage. And it’s gonna be great. It just means the next
Fast and the Furious movie is gonna be a little bit weird. (imitates Vin Diesel):
It’s about family and breathing
and social distancing. (normal voice): Oh, another
good piece of news right now is, uh, for all the wild animals
out there, you see, because with millions
of us humans locked indoors, bears, deer, elephants
and other animals are now just exploring cities
around the world without fear. Yeah. So, basically,
after hundreds of years of animals being in the zoo,
now the tables have turned and we’re the ones in the zoo.
Yeah. Soon you’re just gonna see
elephants outside your window looking in like,
“Oh, wow, honey. Come look. “Come look at this guy
and his cute little trunk. “Oh, he’s so adorable. Oh! Oh, I’ll never forget this, oh.” So, that’s the good news. The bad news is that corona is still surging
around the world with almost 400,000
confirmed global infections. Yeah, and all over the world
people are reacting. In my home country
of South Africa, President Ramaphosa
has announced a nationwide 21-day lockdown,
but the shutdown only goes into effect on Friday.
Which is really cool. It’s like the coronavirus
is getting a bachelor party. It’s like, “All right, boys,
I got three days of freedom. Let’s go to the club
and make it count!” Now, I think this is great
for so many reasons. One, it gives people time
to stock up without slitting each others’
throats over toilet paper. #America, #NoNames,
#YouKnowWhoI’mTalkingAbout. Two, it gives everyone a chance
to get a haircut so they’re not
looking like a caveman when they’re stuck
inside the house. Look at me! Where are you, Bubba?
Where are you? And, most importantly, three
days’ notice gives you time– crucial time– to convert your crush into your quarantine bae. Yeah, you don’t
think about that. America just
announces a shutdown. What about
all the single people? At least in South Africa
they give you time. You got four days. Can be like,
“Hey, you want to… “corona and chill
for the next 21 days? Yeah? Yeah?” So that’s South Africa. Now, over in Britain, after months of hoping
the problem would go away, yesterday Prime Minister
Boris Johnson announced that he was also locking down
the entire country for at least three weeks. Yes, Britains will only be
allowed to leave their home for supplies, essential work and one form of daily exercise.
Yeah. And if you’re wondering
what that means, it is a little strange
that they say “one form” of daily exercise. So it’s almost like
if you’re going for a jog, you can’t walk after…
It’s just like, (English accent):
“Oi, oi, oi! one form– “you running or you walking?” “But I’m tired.” “That means you keep running.” (normal voice):
Oh, and if you’re wondering what the British do to exercise,
well, they-they do traditional British things
like cycling, uh, rowing and, obviously, colonization. Now, in America, the situation
is steadily getting worse. New York and California are
starting to see their hospitals overwhelmed with corona cases, with California predicting
its hospitals will be short about 17,000 beds, and New York is saying it needs
to double its hospital beds just to keep up
with surging demand. And the news isn’t much better
for the economy. You see, in the wake of millions
of American workers being forced to stay home,
people are losing their jobs and companies are being forced
to shut down. Although–
and this is strange– there are some businesses
who are experiencing a surge– a positive surge–
because of coronavirus. Stores like Dollar General,
Walmart, Papa John’s and Amazon are seeing so much
demand right now that they’re hiring hundreds of thousands
of new workers. Not to mention–
and this is real– Pornhub is experiencing
a spike in traffic. Like, I mean, like,
a super spike, you know? Like, the corona curve? That’s
also the porn curve as well. We we need to flatten
both of those curves. Yeah, Pornhub blowing up. You know who you are,
watching The Daily Show and then afterwards
you go to Pornhub. Huh? What are you searching there? Coronavirus news? I see you. In fact,
Pornhub is so busy right now, they had to hire
a special team of people just to keep their servers
running. We actually have video of them
right now. All ahead full. -MAN: All ahead full!
-(ringing) (shouting) Wow. I never realized
porn ran on coal. It’s fascinating. You learn something new
every day. All right, now the main story
in America right now, like most days
for the past five years, is Donald J. Trump. Ever since this epidemic began, he’s been desperate for it
to miraculously resolve itself. Right?
He downplayed its severity. He said it would vanish
magically in April. And, lately, he’s been promoting
the drug chloroquine as a miracle cure. Now, this drug
hasn’t actually been tested, and evidence of its benefits
are still anecdotal. But because the president is out
there promoting it every day, there has been a run on it. People are panicking, and
they’re trying to get this drug because they think it can help. And the problem is that a lot of
people with diseases like lupus and rheumatoid arthritis
actually need this medication, and now there’s a shortage
and they can’t get it. It’s so frustrating, man. You know what we need to do
with Donald Trump? The same way they bleep out
curse words in rap videos, they need to start bleeping out
Trump’s misinformation at his press briefings. Yeah. Every time he’s up there
at the podium, whenever he speaks, they should
be ready with the censors. He’ll be like,
“I want to tell you all “about the benefits of word “(bleep) “(bleep) word “(bleep) “and all the great things
it can (bleep). “(bleep) formative big-time. “And it’s great for your skin. Thank you.” Now, as much as you want
to blame Trump, we also have to ask ourselves how people are getting
a prescription drug that they don’t need. Yes, Trump is wrong
for recommending this when he’s not a doctor,
but, clearly, there are some shady-ass
real doctors out there who are putting peoples’ lives
at risk, and they should definitely know
better than Donald Trump. Oh, and promoting unproven cures isn’t the only sign that
Donald Trump desperately wants to wish the coronavirus away, because now,
now he actually thinks we’ve done
enough social distancing and, in his opinion, it’s just time for everybody
to get back to work. America will again
and soon be open for business, uh, very soon. A lot sooner than, uh,
three or four months that somebody was suggesting.
A lot sooner. We cannot let the cure be worse
than the problem itself. We’re not gonna let the cure
be worse than the problem. Our country’s
not supposed to be– You know, it’s not–
it’s not built to shut down. Our people are full of vim
and vigor and energy. They don’t want to be locked
into a-a house or an apartment or some space. It’s not for our country. You know, you can destroy
a country this way, by closing it down. Now, look, I know
many health experts are saying Trump is extremely irresponsible
right now, but I can see where
Donald Trump is coming from. Right? I can see why he wants
social distancing to end. I would also take my chances
with coronavirus if the alternative were spending
months trapped in the house with Eric. “Dad,
now that we’re here forever, do you have time for me?” “Uh, corona, it’s over, folks. “Time to get back out there. “It’s over. It’s over. No more soc– The-the cure
is worse than the problem.” “But, Dad,
we got to stay indoors.” “No, no, no, we don’t. “No, we don’t. Corona! I’m ready for you.” Here’s the thing. I know Trump wants
to reassess things after the 15-day quarantine. That’s what he keeps on saying,
right? He says we should reassess after the 15-day quarantine
is over. But… what quarantine? Two-thirds
of the American population hasn’t even been quarantined. People around the country
have been out at bars, at restaurants, beaches
the whole time. So what are we reassessing
after the 15 days? Huh? We’re just gonna go back
to normal after doing a half-assed job? ‘Cause some of us
have been flattening the curve. See this? See this? This is flattening the curve.
Yeah. But you guys realize
the curve can unflatten, too. Huh? It’s like that and we bring
it down. It can go back. It’s like eating healthy. After a week,
you start feeling yourself. You see results.
Then you’re like, “Oh, this is great.
I can eat ice cream again.” Then, boom, the curve is back. And you know what I think? I think because coronavirus
is invisible, a lot of people aren’t taking it
seriously enough. Like, we would treat the threat
completely differently if we could see it. Like, imagine
if coronavirus was zombies running through the streets
right now and people were telling you, “80 zombies ate people
in Washington State, 400 zombies in Italy.” Yeah, I can tell you now
we wouldn’t be like, “All right, guys,
time to get back to work. We got to get back to work
ASAP.” We’d be like, “Okay, obviously,
let’s, uh, finish the zombies before we reopen Quiznos.
How ’bout that, guys?” Just be like, “Hey, have
we gotten the zombie outbreak under control?”
Be like, “No, not at all. “But it’s time to get back
to our normal lives. “We’ve just got to accept
that the zombies “are part of life now. That’s-that’s just how we are.” “Aah! The zombie’s eating
my brains!” “Look, all of us are gonna lose
a little bit of our brains “to the zombies, okay, Steve? “Stop being so dramatic. “Everybody’s brains get eaten
a little bit. This is the price we pay
for freedom.” Now, look, obviously,
everyone wants the economy to be back up and running again,
right? Everyone wants that. Businesses are struggling
to stay open. People are losing their jobs. But the difficult truth is this: if America leaves social
distancing behind too soon, if any country does it too soon, the experts have warned that many people could die. And most people would want to do
whatever it takes to prevent that from happening. But there’s
an interesting strain of thought that’s going around that maybe a lot of people dying is just the cost
of a really great economy. REPORTER:
Overnight, backlash after the lieutenant governor
of Texas suggested some seniors are willing to die to get the economy
moving again. Tucker, no one reached out to me
and said, uh, “As a senior citizen,
uh, are you willing “to take a chance
on your survival in exchange “for keeping the America
that all America loves for your children
and grandchildren?” And if that’s the exchange,
I’m all in. Um,
and that doesn’t make me noble or brave or anything like that. I just think there are lots
of grandparents out there in this country like me. My message is that, um, let’s get back to work,
let’s get back to living. You know, and if I get sick,
I’ll go and try to get better, but if I don’t, I don’t. Wow! Is this guy
being serious right now? He wants grandparents
to sacrifice themselves so that the economy can get
restarted months earlier? Yeah, I’m sure right now, there’s an old man
on his death bed just like, “Goodbye… Jimmy.”
Just like, “No, Grandpa! Don’t go!” He’s like, “It’s okay, buddy. “You’ll always have
the Dow Jones and the S&P 500!” (gasps) “Oh, and Jimmy,
before I forget.” “Yes, Grandpa?” “The Nasdaq.”
(gasps) Look, people, if we go back to doing nothing,
the number of deaths from coronavirus could be
in the millions. And the problem
with these numbers sometimes is that we think of them
as numbers. Think of everybody in your life.
If I said to you, “You could lose one
or two family members,” would you be able to choose who? And those of you who could
choose, you’re assholes. Everyone else, you know
what feeling I’m talking about. And don’t forget.
This is not just a people-with-coronavirus
problem, right? Because if we let this thing
get out of control, anyone who needs a hospital
would be in trouble. If you get in a car crash,
if you have a heart attack, if you ate too much toothpaste
from your cupcakes, there may not be space
in the hospital for you because
the hospital is already dealing with everyone
who has coronavirus. Because, you see,
hospitals are not made for a massive influx of patients
like this. Think of it this way.
You’ve got all these people who need to go to a hospital
at the same time. Yes, millions of people go to
the hospital every single year, but we go steadily. If we all go at the same time,
it cannot cope, and then more people die
because of it. The simplest way
to think of it is this. You know
how the Internet crashes every time Kim Kardashian
releases a new butt pic? Yeah? Now imagine
if she decided to release 100 butt pics
in one day. The Internet would crash
so hard, it would delete itself, and then we’d go back
to the Stone Age. We’d just telling each other
stories in caves. “It was like this, and Kanye
hated that she was doing it.” So before
you take Donald Trump’s advice to go back to work early, think
about Kim Kardashian’s butt. That sounded better in my head. All right, anyway,
before we go for a quick break, let’s check in
on my good friend Michael Kosta and see how he’s handling
his self-quarantine. Let me just see if I can…
call him in here. (ringing) Yo, Kosta! What’s going on, dude? Good to see you, man! Oh, this is… Man, I’ve…
It’s been so long. Wow! Look at you– all corona…
I love… You-You’re also growing…
We’re both growing the beards. -Stuck indoors.
-Well, this… Trevor, this is a beard. You… What, you got
a little hair on your face? You know? Um… Anyway, I was… I was
just calling to see how you… how you’re doing, my friend. I forgot
how much of an asshole you are, and I actually missed you.
What are you…? What are you keeping up to?
What are you doing? I’m enjoying self-quarantine,
to be honest with you. I’m taking it as an opportunity to get to know
some of my neighbors, you know? Damn. I didn’t think
you were that kind of guy. What are you…? Like,
are you Skyping, or are you…? Are you doing the Italian thing where you talk, like,
across the balconies? Yeah, you know…
you know, sort of. You know, I’m just
kind of taking a moment. Oh, for instance, this guy Bill
across the street? I mean, he puts mustard
on his French fries. That’s not something
I’d ever think to do, but it’s actually
quite delicious. Kosta, are you… are you spying
on your neighbors? Why is this any different
than Instagram, okay? Get this, Trevor.
The guy on 406– he showers completely naked. (laughing):
Oh. And this woman in 5A–
I think she’s a murderer. She has, like…
eight, nine… ten knives. Who has that many knives? And they’re different shapes,
and they’re different sizes. That’s psycho to me. Kosta, I think you’re talking
about cooking knives, man. And-and-and the weirdest thing–
the guy in 7B– he seems much happier
than he… then he was last year
at this time. I think
he has a new girlfriend maybe. Wait. Wait.
What do you mean “last year”? You have been…? I thought this was,
like, a coronavirus thing. You’ve been… you’ve been
spying on people for years? Hey, it’s something…
It’s a little hobby, something I do. Kosta, you got
to respect people’s privacy. You-you can’t…
you can’t just do this. Oh, relax, Trevor. Most people are very boring. For instance,
the guy across the street– all day,
he sits on his computer and just video chats
with people. You know, I know
it’s quarantine time, but get a life, bro, you know? And he’s wearing
a bomber jacket, kind of similar to yours.
It’s-it’s pretty nice. But his-his apartment,
its decor– it all seems very lame to me.
(chuckles) Wait. Is…?
He’s wearing a…? Yeah, he’s wearing a blue bomber
jacket, actually, similar… Is he waving his arms right now,
Kosta? Ah. How did you know that? And he’s got
these weird balls behind him. It’s like a… Goddamn it, Kosta,
you’re spying on me! Where…? What are you…
what are doing? Well, what? What? That’s me!
You’re spying on me! That’s me. Can you see me? That’s me.
What are you doing?! What are those balls? Are those, like,
a sex thing or something? No, it’s not a…
it’s not a sex… It’s an African thing. Just put the…
put the binoculars down. Put-put the thing down. Stop. Like, this is just… Goddamn.
This is an invasion of… (chiming) Thank you so much for tuning in. Before we go, I wanted
to remind you one more time that you can donate to NoKidHungry.org. And by doing this, you will help
kids get a good meal while their schools
are shut down. And if you want to help kids
in New York City specifically, then all you need to do
is go to CityHarvest.org and give
whatever you’re able to. It’s helping the kids.
We’re raising money. Thank you so much to everybody
who’s participated in this. A little bit
goes a long, long way. Stay safe out there.
I’ll see you back here tomorrow.